chaotic sanity notes:

DRUGS SHE'LL BE ADDICTED TO:
-pcp (angel dust)
[PCP is illegally manufactured as tablets, capsules, or colored powder and can be snorted, smoked or eaten]

-cocaine

EFFECTS OF ANGEL DUST:
The effects of PCP can be very unpredictable. Central Nervous System effects can include euphoria, loss of inhibitions, anxiety, disorientation, restlessness, drowsiness, or disorganized thinking. There can also be distorted time, space, and body sensations, feelings of weightlessness, paranoia, and the feeling of being disassociated with the environment. The user can experience audial and visual hallucinations as with LSD. In the body, PCP raises the heart rate and blood pressure. It can also cause excess salivation, sweating, numbness, staggering, slurred speech, fever, and muscle rigidity.

In toxic doses, the user can become hostile and violent, acting in a bizarre or psychotic manner. They may attempt to assault other people, or to harm themselves through self-mutilation or suicide. The person may experience amnesia and become catatonic. In high doses, there may be coma, convusions, and death. Persons who've received toxic doses must often be restrained and receive tranquilizers to calm them down.

Many users report profound after-effects ranging from depression, disassociative states, confusion, paranoia, and feelings of insanity. By some reports, these symptoms can continue for years after the initial experience.

PLOT:
jayden will meet a girl (hailie jade) whos addicted to angel dust and whos also a dealer and he falls in love with her & will try to help her get out

Chaotic Sanity: chapter 1- Strange

Jayden Bentley.
I guess you could say I had it easy most my life. I lived on the Upper East Side in New York with my parents and this was the last summer before college at Columbia University. My father was a buisnessman and my mother was one of New York's elite. You could say I barely knew them. Being privilaged had its pros and cons, like barely knowing your parents and they barely knew me. But one of the pros was that I had sandy blonde hair and green eyes, so it was easy to get girls, although there were no girls I'd ever really been interested in. But to continue with the story...

Every morning I got up, left my parents' huge mansion of a house, and walked to a small modern coffee shop around the corner. I always ordered a small coffee and then continued with my day, but today was different. I rounded the corner and headed past a dark, narrow alley when I heard what sounded like a girl crying . I stopped and walked towards the sound- it seemed to be coming from the alley. I was right.

I looked down the alley and saw a girl around seventeen, maybe eighteen years old, sitting by the bottom of a fire escape, her head in her hands, her elbows on her knees. She had on jeans and a white shirt with a gray sleeveless cardigan. I walked up to her and I could almost make out what she was saying. I sat next to her and she looked up at me. She was actually really pretty- she had light brown hair and dark hazel eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked, nervously.

"Please," She muttered through her tears, "Just make the voices go away."

"Hey, your okay. Come with me."

I helped her up and put my arms around her shoulders, leading her towards the coffee shop. She looked around, frightened, breathing heavily and she staggered a little. I was afraid for her, because she was obviously in need of help. We walked into the coffee place and I sat her on the couch next to me.

"Do you want anything?" I asked. She simply shook her head.

"I'm Jayden. Jayden Bentley." I offered my hand and she looked at me, but didn't shake my hand. I put it down awkwardly.

"Hailie Jade. Hailie Jade Anthony." She replied, looking away. A pretty name for a pretty face.

"Are you okay?"I asked again. She smiled and I noticed that her smile was a little crooked. I couldn't help but smile back.

"You already asked that."

"I know, but you didn't exactly give me a straight answerer." Her smile faded as she considered this.

"Sorry about that. I can't really explain what was happening." She pulled out her phone from her pocket and looked at the time. "Crap, I have to go." She stood up and I followed her out.

"Wait, can I at least walk you home?" I asked, lightly grabbing her wrist. She smiled again.

"Again, sorry, but I don't live around here. I live in Brooklyn." She started walking again.

"Wait, Hailie!" I called. "Um, I could walk you to the subway, maybe? Make sure you don't have another breakdown?" She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Come on, Jayden." She started walking again and I went after her.

"Um, so, if your from Brooklyn what are you doing all the way out here?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"I was just...making a delivery, you could say." She looked away again. I didn't quite understand what she was saying or trying to hint at.

"Okay? Well tell me about yourself." I pressed. She laughed and the sound was like nothing I'd ever head before.

"What do you want to know?" She asked.

"Um, what was that about earlier? In the alley, I mean?" Her smile quickly dissapeared again.

"I told you I can't explain that," She looked at me. "So what's your story?"

"Well, I live on the Upper East Side with my parents, though I've never really had a great relationship with them. Um, I'm an only child. Next year I'm going to Columbia Unviversity and...that's all I can think of." I shrugged.

"Wow. Your story is so different than mine," She laughed.

"Your turn," I said enthusiastically. For some reason I found myself wanting to know more about her.

"My dad left when I was just a couple of months and my mom died when two years ago. I used to have a little brother, but after my mom died we were seperated. I have no plans for next year yet and I live with an old friend of my mom's in Brooklyn." Her dark hazel eyes seemed to get darker as she spoke about herself. I felt so bad for her.

"I'm sorry. What did your mom die of?" I asked. She swallowed.

"She killed herself. In front of me and my brother. We walked in one day after school and she was in the middle of pulling the trigger." She looked down and I didn't know what to say. I stared at her speechless and we reached the subway station.

"And...your brother?" I asked quietly.

"HIS dad was still around, but he wasn't exactly a good guy."

"I...don't know what to say," I muttered as we stopped in front of the stairs. She put a hand on my face.

"It's okay, Jayden. It's not like it was your fault." She took her hand away and started to leave.

"Hailie Jade!" I ran after her. She turned and looked at me.

"Um, do you think I could maybe get your number?" I asked.

She simply giggled and walked off without another word. I couldn't believe she just left like that. I mean, I helped her, the least she could do was give me a way to get in touch with her. Right? I started walking off as I wondered what exactly had happened back there. She had been hearing voices, or so she claimed. Maybe she was just over stressed. She seemed to have had a difficult life. I sighed as I got back home and walked into the house.

It was a big house with sort of a modern look. I never payed much attention to details before this as I walked up the stairs to my room. I looked around at the coffee tables and white couches and sighed again.

"Oh! Jayden!" My mother yelled as I reached the top of the stairs. I stopped but didn't turn around.

"There's a charity event on Saturday at eight and the whole family IS expected to attend." She called up to me.

"What charity exactly?" I asked. I really hated these things.

"Oh, does it really matter? All we need to do is make a donation and get our picture taken. These things are really all the same."

I shook my head and walked towards my room as an intriguing idea popped in my head. I ran back down the stairs to find my mother sitting on the couch looking down at her laptop, her glasses pushed down on her nose.

"Oh, Mom, do you mind if I bring a date Saturday?" I asked excitedly, Hailie Jade's crooked smile and dark hazel eyes in mind.

"Who did you have in mind?" Mom asked, still looking at the computer on her lap.

"Well I met this girl today- her name is Hailie Jade Anthony. I was thinking of inviting her." I laughed a little to lighten the stiff mood and ran my hand through my hair. She suddenly looked up at me and stopped typing.

"Hailie Jade Anthony? Would she happen to be the daughter of Tanya Anthony?" Her voice was flat, no emotion.

"Um, I'm not sure, why?" Why would she care who her mother is?

"Did her mother commit suicide?"

"Yes...What are you getting at?" My voice suddenly went just as flat.

"I know what that family has gone through and I'm pretty sure that girl is going to end up just as messed up as her mother. I don't want you getting too close to that."

"Oh?" I sat down next to her, my hands in my lap. "And how would you know all this?" I asked skeptically. She went back to typing, not as serious now.

"I watch the news. I know that she and her brother witnessed the whole thing. I also know that she was seperated from her brother and that she has no father. Someone with that sort of background always ends up at rock bottom." She hit the enter button loudly and looked up at me again.

"This is my life, Mother. And I'm inviting Hailie Jade to the event on Saturday." I got up and walked to my room without another word.

It was barely the afternoon, but still I layed on the bed and thought about my mother's words. She had been hearing voices today... But of course she would have a few things on her mind! Look at what she'd been through! But to think that she would end up crazy or suicidal? I really doubted that.

Crap! It just hit me that I had no way of contacting her. Hmm...I jumped up and grabbed my jacket and ran out the house. I got in my car and started driving towards Brooklyn. I would simply drive around and look for her. Okay, so I had to admit it was kind of crazy to just get up and drive around Brooklyn looking for some random girl! But there was just something about her that I couldn't get out of my mind...

I drove around and parked in a liquor store parking lot. I got out and started walking in a random direction. I looked back to make sure I knew where my car was. I walked around the block then stopped and sat on a curb to think. Maybe I could look her up online and find her address. Why didn't I think of that before? I could have saved myself the whole afternoon.

I stood up and these men in white t-shirts who starting coming up to me. There were three of them- all muscular with baggy pants and dog tag neckleaces. The biggest one with short black hair came up to me til he was in my face.

"You lost, rich kid?" He asked and backed away a step. The others stood rigidly behind him.

"Um, no. Well, actually yes...sort of. I'm looking for someone." I muttered, my hands in my pockets. I wondered if they could smell fear? Because I had to admit I was kind of scared. They looked like they could knock me out with one hit.

"Who you looking for exactly?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.

"A girl. Hailie Jade Anthony. Do you know her?" As soon as I said her name his face went blank and he had a poker face on.

"What do you need with Hailie Jade?"

"I met her yesterday and I wanted to ask her something. Why? Do you know where she lives?" For some reason I had a feeling they weren't going to tell me. The three of them exchanged glances, then the leader pulled out a cell phone.

"Hold up, rich kid. I gotta make a quick phone call before I tell you anything." He walked off and the others stayed, staring me down. I smiled awkardly and looked down. The leader came back after a few minutes and eyed me suspiciously.

"So, rich kid, I talked to Hailie Jade. She said I could show you the way to where she lives. It ain't too far from here."

"Okay, thanks, I guess." We started walking, the leader next to me, the minians behind us.

"Hey, next you need to be more careful how you come across," He said, eyeing me suspiciously again.

"What are you talking about?" I looked down again.

"I'm just saying that other people aren't as kind as us and, I mean, you don't look like a cop, but you Upper East Side people shouldn't be here." This took me off gaurd. A cop?

"Why would a cop be looking for Hailie Jade?" As soon as I asked he smirked and looked back at the others.

"No reason. Just be careful next time."

We reached an old house with a brown front lawn and a rusty swing set. The paint was chipped and the porch looked like it was falling apart. I couldn't believe this was where she lived. Wasn't is illegal for people to live in these conditions?

"She's in there," The leader said, pointing to the house. I hadn't even realized that they stopped walking.

"Aren't you guys coming?" I asked. Again they all smirked and the leader looked down for the first time.

"Nah, rich kid, you go ahead. We've got stuff to do." They all started to leave and I walked towardsthe house again and onto the porch. I knocked on the door and waited til Hailie Jade opened the door in shorts and a tank top.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, still standing in the doorway.

"Um, I'm sorry, I just...maybe I should go." I started back down the porch steps.

"Jayden, waited," She sighed. "I'm sorry. Its just... you shouldn't be here. Here at my house, here in this city." I noticed for the first time that it looked like she was sweating and her pupils were huge so that there wasn't much of the dark hazel there.

"Are you okay?" I asked, ignoring her comment. She looked away.

"I'm fine, why?" She kept her eyes safely down and I knew something weird was going on.

"You eyes...are huge and your sweating. Are you sick?" I tried to put a hand on her forehead but she moved out of my reach.

"I said I'm okay, Jayden. Why did you come anyways?"

"Oh, that. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come with me to this charity event on Saturday. It's, um, just this thing my parents are making me go to. I understand if you don't want to go with me." I laughed nervously and ran my fingers through my hair.

"No, Jayden, I'd love to. My family isn't home, why don't you come inside and I could write down my number for you." She opened the door wider and I stepped inside.

The house was just as bad inside. Hailie Jade walked off to the small kitchen that was connected to the living room. There was a door and in it I could make out a hallway and three small bedrooms. I stood around and waited until Hailie came back in with a piece of paper. She smiled at me and stuffed the paper in my hand.

"So just call me and let me know the details." She smiled again.

"How about I pick you up Saturday at eight?" I looked down at the paper while I spoke.

"Okay, if you want. Is it a dressy occasion?" She asked and I could feel her eyes on me.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Sort of."

"Well, I'll see you Saturday. You should really get going before my foster family gets home."

She walked to the porch and started to close the door.

"Wait," I stopped her, "Don't you want my number?" She laughed and shook her head.

"No, that's okay. If your really interested you'll call." I smiled at her answer and she closed the door. I could see the sweat gleaming off her face as her bangs stuck to her forehead. I left her house and hurried back to my car.

Another weird encounter, I thought as I started the engine. I sat in traffic, thinking how great Saturday was going to be. I could imagine how beautiful she would look in a stunning dress that hugged her slim body. I imagined ways to get her crooked smile show and how I could make her laugh again.

Snap out of it! I thought to myself. Hailie didn't even seem to like me that way. Why was I thinking of her so much anyways? I barely knew her. But on the other hand I was going to GET to know her Saturday. So maybe it was okay that I was thinking of her so much? I was confused by the whole situation. I had never fallen so hard for a girl so fast- and this was when I barely knew her...what would happen after I knew actually had a clue to who she was?

I sighed and pulled up to my house. Instead of going inside I waited in my car and entered Hailie Jade's number into my phone. I smiled to myself and headed inside. My parents were seated at the dining room table.

"Mom, Dad" I greeted them as I sat down. I looked at my father who was rarely there for dinner. Even everyone said we looked exactly alike I knew we were different in so many, many ways.

"So, Jayden," Dad started, a frown playing at his lips., "your mother tells me your inviting a Hailie Jade Anthony to the event on Saturday?" I looked at my food. Damn! How had this one girl already affected my life so much?

"Yes, um, I really like her." I played with my food as I could feel his eyes judging me.

"Son, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. This girl... I'm just saying that a lot of our friends are attending this party and I need you to really think about whom you allow yourself to be seen with."

My head shot up so I could look him in the eye. "I'm bringing her, Dad. It really doesn't matter what you say."

"Darling, we understand," Mom cut in. "We are just making sure you understand how careful you must be."

I sighed and got up from the table. "If you'll excuse me," I muttered and half ran up the stairs to my room. I layed on the bed and thought of someone to call. My friends and I had all either lost contact or they were away on some amazing trip before college started. I sighed and rested my head on the pillow. Soon enough I was asleep, my dreams drifting towards a more comftorable manner.


The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone beeping. I looked at it and saw that it was already 7:30. I let out a breath and got up. Where to now? The coffee shop? Today felt different for some reason. Like I needed to do something different. I could...call Hailie? Yeah. Why not? We were friends. I dialed her number and waited impatiently and she finally answered on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" She answered unsteadily.

"Hailie Jade, um, itsJayden..." I could hear the nervousness in my voice.

"Oh! Hey, Jayden! What's up?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out today? We could do something fun." I waited, anticipating her answer.

"Um, Jayden..." She trailed off and I understood.

"No, its okay, uh, well, I guess I'll see you-"

"No," She cut me off, "I'd love to hang out today. How about I meet you at that coffee shop by the alley?"

"Okay! Sure! I'll meet you there in twenty minutes." I hung up before she could change her mind and hopped out of bed.

I dressed quickly and ran down the stairs to the kitchen. My parents either weren't up yet or they were off doing their own thing- I really didn't give a damn now. I was just happy I was gonna be able to see Hailie Jade today. No matter what anyone said about her.

I grabbed a quick snack out of the kitchen and left to the coffee shop. When I got there I sat on a chair near the big glass window and looked out. A few minutes later I saw her walking down the streets heading my way. She spotted me through and waved. I waved back and smiled. She gestured for me to come outside and so I grabbed my phone off the table and went to meet her.

"Hey, Hailie," I greeted her with a smile. She smiled back and pulled on my arm.

"Come on," She said excitedly. "There's this place I want to show you! It's amazing!"

I left her pull on my arm and drag me past buildings and streets until we reached an old building that looked like it might have once been an apartment complex. I couldn't tell how many stories it was- maybe fifteen to twenty at least?

"What are we doing here?" I finally asked.

"C'mon, I'll show you." She grabbed my hand and we walked around to the side of the building where there was a rusty fire escape. She let go of my hand and started climbing up the ladder.

"Wait, what are you doing? Your going to show me the roof or what?" I asked, skeptically, but she didn't stop or look down at me. She just kept climbing.

"Yup! It's amazing up there! It's my favorite place to be. So with or without you I'm going up there." There was a hint of a smirk in her voice and I followed her up the ladder with a sigh.

It was actually a lot of climbing to do and I was already really tired by the time we reached the top of the building. Hailie Jade seemed unaffected and walked onto the rooftop with no trouble. I climbed up, too, out of breathe, and collapsed on the floor. There was a small cement wall enclosing the space and we were pretty high up. I looked out and I could see the whole city all the way out to the Brooklyn bridge.

"All this for a view?" I asked, breathless. She smiled at me and walked to the edge and put one leg over. I got up and ran to her.

"Woah, Hailie Jade! What are you doing?! You could get killed!" I held my hand out to help her back over, but she ignored it.

"I'm not going to fall. I only have one leg over. You need to learn not to worry so much, Jayden." She smiled and patted the spot in front of her. I swallowed and slowly put one leg over the edge and looked down. I imagined the fall and how the landing would kill me in an instant. I swallowed again and felt Hailie pulling my face up.

"Jayden, don't think about going down. Always look up." She smiled at me, her smile showing more of the crookedness. Again I couldn't help but smile back and nod.

"Your right. It's not that bad up here. But don't you ever get scared you'll fall?" I couldn't help but wonder. She just shrugged and looked down over the edge.

"We all have our moments of doubt, but sometimes when I'm alone and having a bad day I just lay here until I feel better again." She shrugged again and I noticed that her eyes were back to normal, the dark hazel back in its rightful place.

"Wait, you LAY here? As in you lay all the down on this wall? Isn't that even scarier?" I was shocked that she did this.

"Like I said, don't think about going down. Plus, I've sort of got a thing for heights." She laughed and looked me in the eye. I smiled and she smiled back.

"So what's your family like?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. She looked down again, her smile a little smaller.

"Um, well, their okay, I guess. It's me, my foster sister, Melanie, and my foster mom, Kelly. Melanie is around twelve and we don't really hang out much. Kelly is nice, but she's only putting up with me because I refused to leave Brooklyn and there was no one else."

"Like I said before, I'm sorry about everything." I looked down, too. I was so stupid- why did I bring up this stuff?

"And what are you into?" She asked. She looked up at me again.

"Well, um, what do you want to know?"

From there we spent hours talking and laughing and feeling bad for each other. Occasionally she would move around and I would worry that she was in danger of falling. Every time she would reassure me that she was fine and that I needed to relax a little. She could tell that I had never really had much fun and that I had never taken the time to just relax and be happy. She layed down, but kept one leg dangling off the edge and one up on the wall and for a few periods at a time we just sat there in silence, looking off into the distance.

Suddenly she looked at her phone and jumped up.

"Shit!" She got up off the wall onto the concrete roof and I followed, startled.

"What's wrong?" I asked. It was barely eight o'clock. She looked at me and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, but I'm late." She started climbing quickly down the ladder. I got on the ladder and started downwards, too.

"Well, can I give you a ride somewhere? I brought my car," I offered as we reached the bottom.

"Um, no, Jayden, that's okay. I'd better get going, but thanks for today. It was really fun getting to talk to someone like that." She hugged me and I hugged her back tightly for a moment, then let go.

"Are you sure you don't need a ride? I mean, if it's that important." I offered again, even though she was already on her way. She ran off without another look back and I watched her leave. I started walking to my car to head home.

It had been a fun day, I had to admit. And instead of me picking her up Saturday, she'd promised to meet me there at eight. I didn't understand why she was trying so hard to keep me away, but I figured it would be best if I didn't push her too much. I figured I'd be able to handle going the next three days without seeing Hailie, but maybe I could at least give her a call, see how she's doing?

At home the lights were all on, as usual, but nobody was home. I sat down and started flipping through the channels on the television. There was nothing so I settled with the evening news and got comftorable on the couch.

There was a story on about a man being arrested for the possesion and selling of cocaine and heroine. They showed the video of him being arrested and the face looked farmiliar...that was when I realized- it was one of the leader's minians. Drugs? DRUGS?! Those were the kind of people Hailie Jade knew?! I sat forward on the couch intently, watching as they took him away and stuck him in the back of a police car. In the background I could just make out two figures, one male, one female, the guy with his hands in his pocket, the girl with her arms crossed. I watched the figures as the girl patted the man's back comfortingly and then they walked away, out of camera view. The only thing I could make out was the woman's light brown hair and the man's white tee-shirt.

No. There was no way that could be Hailie Jade there. Could it be? No. It wasn't. She had something important to do tonight. But then again...if she knew the leader why wouldn't she know the minians? No, I thought again. It wasn't her. Maybe I could call her and see to it she got home safetly. Yeah, I could at least do that much for her and hopefully it make me seem sweet or caring or something.

I picked up the phone and dialed her cell number. It rang three times and then was forwarded to voicemail. So...she didn't answer. So what? Maybe she was busy. But it wasn't her at that crime scene. It wasn't.

Soon enough I fell asleep on the sofa, listening to a few people at a roundtable rant about the winning score on a basketball game. My dreams kept jumping the woman on the news to the day I went to Hailie Jade's house, to the day we first met and back again, an endless loop of trying to put two and two together. My subconsious tried, but to no avail.

I awoke in the middle of the night, still just as confused. The television was still on and everything was just as I'd left it when I fell asleep. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and checked the time: one-fifteen a.m. I sighed and got up to go sleep in my own room, again dreaming of discovering what Hailie Jade was hideing from me.